


Go Away!

by Celty_me



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Klance if you squint, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, Pining, Psychological Torture, Sensory Deprivation, Shance if you squint, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-09 21:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14724164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celty_me/pseuds/Celty_me
Summary: Team Voltron gets overwhelmed while infiltrating a cruiser, and Lance gets left behind.-------Preview:“It’s not real. It’s not real.” He kept repeating the mantra until speaking became too exhausting.'Lance.' The voice was right next to his right ear, tormenting him as soon as he stopped talking. He could feel the breath tickle the hairs on the side of his head. He pulled as far to the left as he could to get away.'Lance.' The voice whispered into his left ear this time. Tears welled again. He kept telling himself it wasn’t real.'Open you eyes Lance.' The voice whispered. He hadn’t even realized they were closed. They popped open in surprise, and he was met with the same impenetrable darkness. Then the creature flashed into existence, teeth bared in it's signature grin, and Lance whimpered.“No. No. No,” he moaned. It laughed and laughed and laughed while phantom bugs skittered over his body.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning
> 
> I almost gave myself a panic attack, then almost cried while writing this. So... sorry? I hope you enjoy this almost 6,000 words of angst!
> 
> For fans of my other two fics, sorry that they haven't been updated. I've been really busy with other stuff and just haven't had the time to sit down and flush out new chapters.

            Being a sniper came with certain advantages. You stayed out of danger, got to watch your teammates back’s, could observe and call out information. The problem was that it also isolated you from everyone else, which also isolated you from help if things went sour at your position.

            It had probably been inevitable – Voltron had been around long enough for the Galra to know a fair bit of information about their team. The Galra were arrogant and careless, but they weren’t necessarily dumb. They knew Voltron had a sniper, and all it took was one intrepid crew member to remember that fact while their ship was being infiltrated by the paladin team. From there they just had to send a team to go track that sniper down.

            They also knew their ships pretty well, and they knew all the high points that a sniper might like to perch on. Then, all the Galra had to do was track the fighting and find a way to the nearest high ground to find the isolated sniper.

            After that it was laughably easy to capture the Paladin with the blue armor and red weapon. They had no idea what lion he actually piloted, but it hardly mattered.

            “Lance!” Shiro yelled over the comms.

            “They found my perch!” Lance yelled frantically. He dodged a blaster shot, but the hall was filled with Galra soldiers. His only other escape route was a fifty yard drop to his doom.

            “Lance hold on, we’ll come for you!” Allura said.

            “No you guys have to go! They’ve probably already called for help, come back for me later but you guys get out of here!”

            “We’re not leaving you!” Shiro replied.

            “I know!” Lance grunted and absorbed a shot with his shield. The only reason they hadn’t taken him down yet was because they were fighting in a narrow space meaning he could only be attacked by one or two at a time.

            “You guys will come back for me,” Lance continued. “I know you will, but you all need to be alive to do that. Get out of here!”

            “We will come back,” Allura said.

            “Allura! We can’t leave him!” Pidge yelled. Lance could hear fighting, and the report of Hunk’s heavy machine gun through their comms. A quick glance down told him the other paladins were quickly getting overwhelmed.

            “It’s okay Pidgeon. I know you guys will find me quick.”

            “But Lance we need you,” she said. The youngest paladin sounded close to tears, but Lance was happy to see the team slowly moving towards the door that would lead them back to the lions.

            “I know,” Lance said quietly. “I’ll be okay, I promise.”

            “You stay strong! We’ll be back soon,” Shiro said as Lance finally got overwhelmed. They could only watch helplessly from the ground as Galra soldiers dove on Lance and began to drag him away. His helmet was knocked off and clattered three stories to the ground.

            More sentries flooded the room and they had no choice but to go through the door. A quick few key presses from Pidge had the door sealed, and then they were running, feeling their hearts stretch painfully the further they got away from the red paladin.

            Only when they were back in the green lion and flying away and back towards the castle while safely cloaked that they allowed what had just happened to sink in. They’d left Lance behind. It was like Allura all over again – watching someone they loved being dragged off and into the tender care of the Galra.

            The shock lasted all the way back to the castle until finally they all collapsed in an exhausted, dazed heap in the common room.

  

\------

 

            “You left him behind?!?” Keith yelled. His face over the holo screen was furious. Kolivan at his side was quiet as the former paladin raged.

            “We didn’t have choice, we were overwhelmed and had no way to get to him. It was either leave him behind or sacrifice the whole team,” Shiro said, but his voice was wrecked. His eyes were rimmed with dark circles and his hair a mess. The others didn’t looked much better – guilt was eating through the team.

            “They will probably torture him, Shiro! He’s not like you, he’s strong but if they put him in the arena he won’t be able to survive like you did.”

            “We’re going to get him back. Pidge planted a tracking algorithm on their ship, we know exactly where he is. The issue is that the cruiser he’s on is surrounded by a fleet of battleships. That’s why we need the Blades and the rebels to help us,” Allura soothed.

            “Of course we’ll help!” Keith said without consulting the other blades. Kolivan, to his credit, just agreed with a nod. He knew better than to try and sway Keith from something like this. The blades may have a policy to leave behind teammates who fall behind, but a paladin of Voltron was a different story.

            “Alright, then let’s get everyone together and go get our boy back,” Shiro said.

            Lotor stood back, face serious and his eyes somewhat distant. It was Allura who finally noticed that something was on his mind.

            “Prince Lotor, can you tell us anything else about General Raxu?”

            “Nothing that you don’t already know. He is reluctantly loyal to the Empire, and likely would have defected with me had his mate and children not been posted on Zarkon’s flagship. Most of my previous generals have their families “stationed” on that ship. It is to ensure their loyalty remains in the right place. He will do what’s expected of him with a Paladin of Voltron in his custody but…” Lotor trailed off.

            “What is it?” Shiro asked.

            “The types of interrogation tactics he employs are far more psychological. He finds torture repulsive, but it’s expected of him so he does what he must. It’s unlikely Lance will sustain any lasting physical damage but I still worry.”

            “What kind of tactics?” Keith asked.

            “Sensory deprivation, challenging bondage—“

            “Challenging what?!?” Hunk shrieked. Lotor gave him a mildly amused look.

            “Not bondage in a sexual sense. Sexual assault is not an interrogation method he employs. I meant bondage in the sense that he will bind prisoners in positions that place immense strain on their bodies. He does things that wear down their minds to make them more agreeable.”

            “Those methods can be more damaging to the mind than traditional torture,” Kolivan stated quietly. Lotor nodded.

            “Yes, and he is good at it. He truly hates to do such things, but he won’t betray the empire as long as his family is on Zarkon’s ship.”

            “Then we need to get Lance as quickly as possible,” Pidge said. Shiro put a hand on her shoulder.

            “We’ll get him back,” Shiro said, working hard to keep the emotion from his voice. He had to be strong for the team, but Lance’s capture had him feeling like he was spiraling into a black hole. Lance brought life and laughter to the castle, he kept them all from taking themselves to seriously. He kept them grounded when everything seemed to be spiraling out of control. Most recently he’d been a constant voice of reason among the team, and had even taken Shiro’s outbursts in stride and forgiven him immediately when the black paladin offered shame filled apologies. He watched their backs in fights, kept them safe, kept them sane, and now that he was gone it was glaringly obvious how much the team needed him to keep them all together.

            Shiro looked up and met Keith’s eyes in the holo screen. He knew Keith felt the same way. He knew that their mutual confused feelings about Lance had driven them apart. They would have to deal with that eventually, after Lance was back with them and safe.

 

\----- 

 

            “The infamous sniper. The ghost who picks us off from above – I wasn’t expecting you to be so young.” The Galra general was crouched low so he could be on eye level with Lance, who was bruised and bleeding from the fight but otherwise unharmed. They’d chained him in a cell, arms stretched up and bound to the ceiling, just high enough that he couldn’t rest on his knees, but a chain around his neck, and chains around his ankles bolted to the floor made it so he couldn’t stand either. It made it so his arms were stretched painfully up and slightly back, with all of his weight hanging from them. It was uncomfortable right then, but Lance knew it would become excruciating the longer they kept him in this position.

            “Sorry to disappoint,” Lance sniped. The general raised his eyebrows.

            “I’m not disappointed. I’m impressed. What’s your age, paladin?”

            Lance’s eyebrows furrowed down. He wasn’t expecting to be almost… complimented by the general who was holding him prisoner. A part of him wanted to give a sarcastic answer, but military training included units on tactics to survive captivity. One method was trying to ingratiate yourself to your captors. Make them like you. Lance didn’t doubt he was going to be interrogated in some way, and that could include torture. If he showed a willingness now to answer questions, then they might hurt him less later.

            “I’m almost eighteen. My birthday’s in a couple months.”

            “By Galra standards you are still just a child. Galra are considered adults when they reach twenty deca-phoeb’s.  If your team weren’t so competent it would be almost amusing that children are responsible for the continued dismantlement of the Galra empire.”

            “Yeah, it’s kinda fucked up right?” Lance laughed. To his surprise, the general returned his smile. It was slight, more just a twitch at the corner of his mouth, but it was there.

            “Indeed. I will be honest, paladin, the idea of interrogating a child brings me no pleasure. Unlike many of my counterparts, I take no joy in torture. That is why I say this with absolute honesty – if you answer all my questions in full, I guarantee you won’t be harmed.”

            Lance sighed. It was strange to speak to an Empire affiliated Galra who was relatively sane and not obsessed with dominance and causing pain and suffering. This general seemed almost normal.

            “Yeah man, you know I actually believe you. But you can probably guess I can’t do that.”

            “I could guess as much,” the general sighed. “The position we tied you in will start to place immense strain on your body. Up to a certain point the damage will be completely healable and will cause no lasting damage, but the pain will be like nothing you’ve ever felt. I will return in twenty-four vargas – if you answer my questions at that time I will let you down immediately.”

            “You haven’t even asked any important questions yet!”

            “Because you aren’t in enough pain yet. I dislike doing anything futile, and asking you questions now would be fruitless. Spending twenty-four vargas alone, in the dark, and tied like this will hopefully put you in a more pliant state of mind.”

            “Fuck,” Lance sighed. The general patted his shoulder and with any other enemy Lance would have thought the gesture was just a mockery of comfort, but instead it seemed almost genuine with this man.

            “I truly am sorry. But who knows, maybe your team will manage to find you and infiltrate us before the twenty-four vargas has passed.”

            Lance narrowed his eyes. “It sounds like you almost want that?” he said carefully. He became acutely aware that he was alone in the room with the general, and that maybe the man was saying things that would be detrimental to him if overheard.

            The nameless general stood and looked at the ceiling for a long moment. It was difficult for Lance to crane his head up, but he managed to see the muted emotions flutter across the general’s face.

            “Did you know my cruiser used to be under Prince Lotor’s command? Even before Emperor Zarkon fell ill?” he asked. Lance had known that. It’s why they’d infiltrated it in the first place – Lotor knew everything about it and its crew, and he had mentioned that this general, whose name Lance still couldn’t remember, was different than others. Lance wondered if Lotor knew how different the man actually was.

            “I know.”

            “I’m sure,” the Galra laughed. “Prince Lotor is on your side now, after all. Under his command we did still conquer planets, but we did so in a way that caused the least amount of casualties and we tried to leave them in a state where they could continue to govern themselves with only a hint of Galra supervision. After Lotor was officially cast out of the Empire and labeled a traitor, all of the ships under his command were placed under a strict supervision. Our families were also moved to the emperor’s cruiser to ensure our loyalty.”

            Pieces clicked into place in Lance head. “I’m sorry,” he said for lack of anything else. The general laughed.

            “Don’t apologize. You will soon be in agony and I will responsible. Don’t waste apologies on me.”

            “Yeah well, this whole war is really messed up. Doesn’t cost me anything to say sorry.”

            “I hope your mind remains this strong through what’s to come.” He walked out without another word, and a moment later the room was cast into utter darkness.

            Lance took deep breaths. The only sound in the room was his breathing. He couldn’t hear the hum of the ship, he couldn’t feel the vibrations of it, there was nothing but his breathing and the rattling of the chains as he moved.

            In and out. His arms ached. He couldn’t help but jerk his legs, trying to at least get his toes under him to take a little pressure off but he ankles were bound too tightly.

            His neck hurt. He tried to arch his back but it sent jolts of pain through his shoulders.

            His breathing got faster.

            “Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.” He said. It helped to hear his own voice.

            “You got this Lance. Come on. You’re a paladin of Voltron. You’ve liberated half the galaxy from the Galra. You can survive this.”

            “Yeah. You got this. The team will be here soon. No way it’ll take twenty-four hours to get here. No way are they going to find you freaking out just cause it’s dark and your arms hurt.”

            The dark felt heavy. He wondered how long it had been. It didn’t feel like that long. The general had only left a few minutes ago, right? Or had it been longer. How many breaths had he taken.

            “I should count,” he said. “One Mississippi. Two Mississippi…” Lance kept counting.

            “1,420. 1,421. 1,422. 1,422. 1,422. Wait, did I count that one twice?” He kept counting.

            “Five thousand… five thou… five… six...seven...”

            _Lance._

            “Whose there?!?” Lance jerked against the chains at the whispered voice. He tried to turn his head but he couldn’t see anything. What if something was in there with him? What if something was behind him, watching?

            No sound came. He took a deep breath.

            “You’re okay. You’re okay. No one’s in here… you’re alone…you’re alone… I’m alone…” Another shaky breath in and out. “One, two, three,” Lance started counting again, his voice weaker.

            “Three… three what? Where was I?” Lance couldn’t keep counting. He didn’t even know how long he’d been counting.

           

_“Aruru mi niño, arrurú mi amor_

_Aruru pedazo de mi corazón"_

             He started to sing, voice weak and warbling. The lullaby was the only thing he could think of. His mamáand tíahad always sung it for him when he was little and couldn’t sleep.

_“Este niño lindo que nació de día_

_Quiere que lo lleven a la dulcería.”_

             Lance woke with a start. He didn’t know when he’d fallen asleep. He opened his eyes and…why wouldn’t his eyes open? Nothing was different. He tried again. His eyes were open. They were open! Everything remained pitch black.

 _Lance._ Someone whispered. Lance pulled against the chains bindings his arms desperately, ignoring how they screamed at him to stop.

             “Who’s in here!” he yelled.

 _Laaaaance. S_ omeone said again. A face flashed in front of him. He screamed and tried to jerk back but couldn’t move in his tight bonds. He looked around the best he could, searching for that blurred face.

            “Show yourself! Come on!” he yelled. His voice was oddly flat in the soundless room, like the darkness was eating his words. Like the darkness was eating him.

            “Oh God. Dios mío.”

             A hand crawled up his spine and he couldn’t help the scream that escaped him.

            “Don’t touch me!” he yelled.

 _Lance._ The voice whispered again. Another hand trailed up his arms. He shivered and whimpered weakly, not having the energy to scream. He was breathing too fast, fast enough that head was feeling light. He needed to calm down.

 _I’m not leaving._ The voice said. Lance’s quick, gasping breaths abruptly ceased as he lost consciousness.

 

 _Wake up Lance. Laaance. Wake up._ Lance jerked awake and when consciousness returned his whole body was on fire.

           “Just leave me alone!” he yelled, but his voice was hoarse and too quiet. The darkness was eating him. It was eating him. It would eat him before the team got to him.

             A grinning face appeared right in front of him and he screamed, jerking against the chain at his neck. He could feel it cutting into his skin but was numb to the blood that ran from the room. He could only focus on trying to get away from the face.

            As abruptly as it appeared, the face was gone.

           “Why are you doing this?” he asked weakly. “Just leave me alone.”

 _Lancelancelancelancelancelancelancelance._ He began to sob at the machine-gun uttering of his name. He didn’t understand why the grinning person was tormenting him. Fat tears fell but his body felt so numb. There was just pain.

            A hand caressed his face and he barely had the energy to jerk away this time.

           “Go away,” he sobbed. Whispered laughter met his words. He felt something crawling up his legs, slithering under his shirt and over his back. He cried and thrashed weakly and then the thing vanished.

            A growl made him freeze. He opened his eyes, not even realizing they’d been closed, and in front of him was a creature. It was a nightmare of limbs, claws, and teeth.

 _Lance._ It growled. Lance screamed and screamed until he passed out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            There was something over his eyes. Everything was still pitch black but there was something over his eyes.

            “Will you answer my questions?” someone asked. It was so quiet, like it wasn’t even there.

            “Go away. Just go away,” he sobbed.

            “I’m not a hallucination, paladin. Answer my questions and this all ends. I will send you to a healer. You will be given a room with a bed. Your pain will stop, the voices will stop, and you’ll be at peace. Just answer my questions,” the person whispered. Something far back in Lance’s mind said that this was the general, that this was an interrogation, but the animal part of Lance’s brain that had taken over told him this was the grinning creature that had been tormenting him in the dark.

            “Go away. Go away. Go away,” he sobbed over and over again. Everything hurt so badly. His arms felt like they were being stabbed over and over again.

            “How does your ship create wormholes?” the voice asked. Lance just shook and cried.

            “What is Voltron’s weakness?” the voice tried again. Voltron? Voltron! Clarity hit Lance like a blaster shot. His head ached and his body screamed, but abruptly his tears stopped. Interrogation. This was interrogation. He was being tortured for information. He has been hallucinating.

            “You can’t stop Voltron,” he rasped out. If the general was here it meant it had been twenty-four hours. Twenty-four hours of extreme sensory deprivation. No food, water, light, sound, touch.

            “We can, and if you give us information on how then this stops. You don’t need to keep suffering.”

            “Fuck off,” Lance laughed. The general sighed.

            “After forty-eight vargas of this, your mental deterioration will get worse. Your physical state will also begin to deteriorate from being kept in this position.”

            “Bring it on,” Lance said, but his voice broke. He felt a little clearer, but the idea of spending more time in the dark brought tears to his eyes.

            “Good luck then, paladin. I hope your friends come for you before I have to come back again.”

            He felt a slight sting and the world tilted and he fell unconscious.

            _Welcome back._ The voice startled Lance into full wakefulness. He’d been teetering on the edge of consciousness for a while but now he was fully aware.

            “You’re not real!” he yelled. The voice laughed and went quiet. He heard skittering around, like there were bugs everywhere. There was a crawling sensation up his legs and he jerked.

            “It’s not real. It’s not real.” He kept repeating this like a mantra until speaking became too exhausting.

            _Lance._ The voice was right next to his right ear. He could feel the breath tickle the hairs on the side of his head. He pulled as far to the left as he could.

            _Lance._ The voice whispered into his left ear. Tears welled again. He kept telling himself it wasn’t real.       

            _Open you eyes Lance._ The voice whispered. He hadn’t even realized they were closed. They popped open in surprise but there was only impenetrable darkness. Then the creature flashed into existence and Lance whimpered.

            “No. No. No,” he moaned. It laughed and laughed and laughed while phantom bugs skittered over his body.

            Suddenly everything heaved. He was thrown in his chains with enough force that he heard a loud ‘POP’ as his shoulder dislocated. Even in the room he could feel impact vibrations. Then nothing.

            “They’re here! Do you hear that monster? They’re here!” he yelled through his pain. The dislocated shoulder meant nothing because his team was here.

            For a while everything was okay. The voice stopped. The monster disappeared, and Lance’s heart beat faster in anticipation of the door opening and his friends freeing him. He imagined Hunks’ hug, Pidge crying, Allura patting his head, and Shiro… Shiro picking him up, cradling him to his chest, telling him everything would be okay. He imagined Keith in his blade uniform, bloodied from the countless Galra he’d slain to get there. The former paladin would probably take a look at Lance’s state and be furious, ready to go off and kill every last Empire aligned Galra he could find.

            Time passed. Lance didn’t know how much time. It just… passed. Longer and longer, long enough that whispers started again. The words weren’t definable yet but he could hear them getting closer. Time kept passing. His hope began bleeding out of him alongside the warmth in the room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

            It was cold. Colder than before. He was shivering violently, and the motions caused continual stabs of pain to spike through him. The arm with the dislocated shoulder was numb to everything except for a constant throbbing pain.

            _You’re going to die._ The voice whispered. It’s toothy grinning face popped up in front of him then beside him, it caressed down his body and laughed when he cried.

            It didn’t exist. Did Lance exist? Did anything exist? There was just dark. Nothing else. He couldn’t even make out his own breaths anymore. His feet were numb. His hands were numb too. Nothing existed. He had died. This was hell. This was hell. He didn’t exist…

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Lance didn’t have any tears left. The monster had given up and he almost wished it would come back so he’d have someone to talk to. He was starting to not feel his body anymore. Everything except for pain was gone. He couldn’t feel the chains around his wrists, neck, or ankles. He couldn’t feel the cold floor against his toes. He just floated in the dark, filled with pain and nothing else. Nothing else. Nothing else.

            _Lance._ Someone whispered. The voice was different this time.

            “Mamá?” he said weakly. The word hurt coming from his dry throat. 

            _Lance._ It sounded kind of like his Mamá, but different. A little deeper, the accent a little less heavy.

            “Tía?” he whispered. A warm hand touched his face, but it was comforting this time. Lance closed his eyes and suddenly he wasn’t in the dark room anymore.

            In front of him stretched Varadero beach. It’s crystal blue waters were just as beautiful as he remembered. It should have been warm, but Lance couldn’t stop the violent shivering of his body.  He was so cold.

            “Hey baby blue,” someone said. He turned and saw his tía standing there, smiling the crooked smile he’d seen so much as a kid. Her hair was long as ever, falling in thick waves down her back.

            “Tía, you’re dead,” he said dumbly. She nodded.

            “I know sweetheart,” she said softly. Lance’s heart gave a painful thump.

            “Am I dead?”

            “Not yet, but you can’t last much longer baby.”

            “I know. I think the ship was attacked lost life support. My cell is totally sealed which is probably the only reason I’m still alive. The rest of the ship is probably vented though.”

            “I think you’re right.”

            “I’ll probably freeze to death before I lose oxygen… Or, I’m currently freezing to death.”

            “Yeah,” she replied softly. Lance felt tears well in his eyes.

            “I’m scared. Tía, I’m really scared,” he said.

            “Oh sweetheart.” She gathered him into her arms and pressed him close. Lance melted into the embrace. Marisol had been his best friend growing up. His partner in crime. She snuck him treats, taught him to play pranks, taught him how to flirt, taught him English and gave him his love of the stars. He’d missed her so much.

            “I’m going to be right here with you, okay? I’m right here.” she said.

            “I don’t want to die. The universe still needs me. I need to be there for it, I need to be there for my team. I don’t want to fail them.”

            “You haven’t failed anyone. You’ve tried so hard. You’ve accomplished so much and it’s okay to let go now. Baby it’s okay. You don’t have to suffer and no one will be mad at you. Everyone will be so proud of what you’ve accomplished and how long you lasted. I am so proud of you baby.”

            “I tried so hard,” Lance sobbed.

            “I know.”

            “I really love my team. I love them so much. I want to be there for them.”

            “I know.”

            As they embraced, Lance felt his body suddenly warming up. He let out a sigh of relief.

            “That’s right sweetie, just let go now.”

            “I’m hypothermic,” Lance said distantly. “And I’m about to die. I learned that you tend to feel warm right before you die of hypothermia.”

            “It’ll be okay. I’m right here with you. I’m right here and I’m never ever going to leave you again.”

            “I missed you so much tía, but I’m so scared. I’m just so scared.”

            Marisol stroked his hair.

 

_“Aruru mi niño, arrurú mi amor_

_Aruru pedazo de mi corazón”_

 

           Marisol sang to him softly and slowly the shivers began to stop.

           “I don’t want to leave everyone,” Lance whispered.

           “I didn’t want to either, but we’ll wait here for them, together. We’ll see them again some day, and until then it’ll be you and me just like before.”

 _Lance._ Someone whispered. Lance pulled back.

           “Did you hear that?” he asked.

_Lance!_

            Marisol smiled at him and stepped out of his embrace. He gave her a confused look.

           “What are you doing?”

           “I’ll see you again someday baby blue, okay?” she said.

           “What do you mean?”

           “I know you’re tired, but I need you to open your eyes for me.”

           “They are open,” he said, his eyebrows drawn down in confusion. Marisol shook her head.

           “No baby, they’re not. Everything is going to hurt a lot, you’re going to have a long road to get better. You’ve been so strong but I need you to be a little stronger. Can you do that for me?”

           “I…” Lance trailed off. He was suddenly aware of how tired he was. “I’m so tired.”

 _Lance please._ Someone whispered.

           “You’ll get to rest soon, but you need to open your eyes first.” Marisol took a step forward and put a hand on his face. Her smile was filled with all the love in the universe.  “Open your eyes.”

 

            Lance’s eyes popped open and he gasped, and the second he did pain came flooding back. He shivered and moaned, tears leaking from his eyes.

            “Lance!” someone yelled, their voice was wet and husky as if they’d been crying. He flinched and recoiled at the noise.

            “Pidge you need to be quiet. We don’t know how long he’s been sensory deprived. Loud noises are going to hurt,” Shiro said. The room was still dim, but Lance could make out vague shapes, but even that was too much. He closed his eyes again.

            “Lance you need to stay awake. You don’t have to open your eyes but stay awake. Nod if you understand,” Shiro said. Lance managed the barest of nods but the motions sent pain swarming through him.

            “We need to get him out of here now, he’s not going to last much longer,” Allura said. Her voice sounded just as bad as Pidge’s.

            The world swayed as Shiro picked Lance up in his arms. His body screamed at him because of the motion, and he couldn’t help the hoarse scream that bubbled in his throat. A hand stroked his hair but he still refused to open his eyes.

            “You’re okay now. It’s going to be okay.” It was Keith’s voice this time. He sounded like he’d been crying. Everyone sounded like they’d been crying.

            “Coran is prepping a pod,” Allura said quietly. “He wants to know what kind of injuries we’re dealing with so he can calibrate accordingly.”

            “Severe muscle strain, fractured, possibly broken wrists, dislocated shoulder, severe dehydration, starvation, hypothermia, lacerations, probably some stress fractures in his ankles,” Shiro listed clinically. He sounded detached, his voice hollow. It sounded like he was in shock.  

             A muted sob sounded somewhere from Lance’s left. He wasn’t sure who it was and he felt everything starting to slip away.

            “Lance stay awake, please,” Keith said. He wanted to comply, he didn’t have the energy to say no to anything. He wanted to, but he was so cold and everything hurt so much.

            “He’s slipping, we need to hury!”

            “I’m sorry Lance, this is probably going to hurt but we need to get you into the lion and back to the castle,” Shiro said right before he started running. Shiro was right, it did hurt and it snapped his last thread of consciousness.

 

\-----

 

          “Four days. We left him in there for four days. Two of which he was slowly freezing to death!” Keith raged. He stood with the other paladins, Coran, Lotor, and Kolivan in the healing pod room where Lance was suspended in a pod. Lance had been so close to death that the pod had gone into emergency mode the second it scanned him. Instead of just a healing stasis, the pod had had to put him into a full cryo sleep to keep him alive.

         “Keith,” Shiro tried to soothe.

         “Don’t do that Shiro, not now! Why was that ship fired on! We were specifically not supposed to do that!”

         “It was a mistake my boy. One of the rebel ships was rammed while firing, and the cruiser was caught in the spray from their weapons while it spun out of control. It knocked out all the cruiser’s systems including the tracking Pidge implanted, and then we lost track of it in the debris from other downed cruisers,” Coran said gently.

          “A mistake? And we’re all just okay with that? If his room hadn’t have been sealed he would have died almost instantly! That ship’s mistake nearly cost Lance his life!”

          “And it cost them their own, as well. That ship was destroyed along with all five souls on board. Our side’s only casualties in the fight,” Coran said. Keith’s mouth snapped shut with a click and silence enveloped the room. The formed black paladin slumped to the ground and put his head in his hands. He couldn’t stop seeing Lance in that room. Pale, lifeless, bound in a position that was torture just to look at. His right arm was angled oddly with his shoulder popped out of place, and blood had painted his skin red where it dripped from lacerations caused by his restraints. He’d been so cold. They’d all thought he was dead when they found him – until they’d seen the faint shivering.

          But for those few seconds, he’d truly thought they’d been too late. He thought they’d just found the body of the person he was just starting to acknowledge his feelings for.

          Shiro sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. They shared a look, and Keith knew the older man’s feelings mimicked his own. Soon they’d have to talk about how they both felt for Lance, but for now they just shared the relief that he was alive.

         “Is he going to be okay?” Hunk asked quietly.

         “I’m not overly familiar with this brand of torture – his body will heal - although the pod won't be able to fix everything so he will likely still need some physical therapy, but his mind…” Coran trailed off.

         “I’m sorry to say that there will likely be a great deal of lasting psychological effects from this ordeal,” Lotor said. “I’ve unfortunately encountered many individuals who have endured torture like this. Light, sound, touch, just about anything sensory will overwhelm him at first. He will likely be paranoid, afraid of the dark. It would be best if he not be left alone for any extended period of time for the first few weeks of his recovery. He may have nightmares and possibly hallucinations, especially if he is alone.”

         “Keith,” Kolivan said. “I think it best if you stay with Voltron for now. You may be needed to pilot the red lion until Lance has recovered.” What was unspoken was that he knew Keith needed to be there when Lance woke up.

          Keith only nodded. Silence fell again, but no one was willing to leave Lance’s pod just yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Keith talk about important matters. 
> 
> Lance questions everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you for the overwhelmingly positive feedback on chapter one. That was unexpected and lovely, I'm happy you all enjoyed it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy part 2!

When Lance opened his eyes, the light of the room sent a searing bolt of pain through his head. He immediately snapped his eyes closed and buried his head into the shoulder of whoever had caught him coming out of the pod.

 

“Coran?” it was Shiro’s soft voice. 

 

“He’s spent a long time in the dark, his eyes are going to be sensitive,” Coran said to Shiro, then he patted Lance’s shoulder and politely ignored when Cuban flinched at the contact.

“Wait a moment dear boy. I’m afraid this room can’t get much dimmer without shutting everything down, but I have something that will help.”

 

Coran’s footsteps sounded, but Lance just gripped onto Shiro’s shirt and dug his face more firmly into him. Shiro’s arms came up and wrapped around him loosely, and then there was another hand combing through his hair. 

 

“Lance, how do you feel?” Shiro asked quietly. Lance didn’t respond.

 

“Come on buddy, talk to us,” Hunk said from somewhere behind him. Lance flinched again and shook his head. His body still hurt but he couldn’t figure out if it was in his head or if it was real. He wasn’t even sure everyone in the room was real. Shiro felt real, the hand in his hair felt real, but so did the monster’s hands when they’d assaulted him in the dark. The bugs had felt real, Marisol had felt real. It had all felt real. How could he know that his was real? How could he know he wasn’t back in the dark?

 

“Here we go,” Coran said. Lance jumped at the sudden voice next to him. Coran wasn’t speaking loudly, but Lance hadn’t heard his approach.  Just like he never heard the creature before it spoke next to his ear. 

 

“Go away,” he whispered. The words hurt to speak. “You’re not real.”

 

“We’re real Lance. I promise, we’re real,” Keith said, his voice softer than Lance had ever heard. He was close, it was probably his hand carding through Lance’s hair. One of Shiro’s arms loosened around him to take whatever Coran had brought. 

 

“Lance, can I put this on you? We should get you to a room so you can get some rest, and this’ll help block the light.”

 

“What?” he asked. It didn’t hurt any less speaking this time. 

 

“It’s a blindfold,” Shiro responded hesitantly. Lance instantly jerked away from the older paladin, his eyes snapping open on instinct. Then he immediately moaned and covered his eyes with his hands. 

 

“No. No, please no. I don’t want to go back.”

 

Arms wrapped around him, more slender than Shiro’s. He smelled like leather and the oil Keith used to clean and maintain his Galra blade. Lance curled into the other boy. 

 

“You aren’t going back, ever,” Keith said in a fierce whisper. 

 

“Lance the mask is to help you. I know you went through a terrible ordeal, but this is real. You are back safe with your friends, so please let us help you,” Allura said. 

 

Lance wanted to believe her, he wanted this to be real so much but everything had always seemed so real. He couldn’t trust anything. 

 

His breathing was getting too fast and he couldn’t bring it down at all. He just wanted it all to be over. 

 

“Guys he’s hyperventilating,” Keith said desperately. 

 

“I can help,” Lotor said from somewhere far away. 

 

“Please do whatever you can,” Allura said. The prince’s footsteps got nearer, and then Lance felt a pressure from someone’s hand on the back of his head. Where Lotor touched was warm, and that quickly spread through Lance’s body. Everything started to fade out: thoughts, feelings, emotions. It was like being suspended in a warm pool where nothing could touch him. 

“What did you do?” Shiro asked Lotor when Lance slumped. He picked the frightfully light boy up from Keith’s arms, and it worried him how much weight Lance seemed to have lost in those four days he’d been in captivity. 

 

“I just offered him a little of my quintessence to ease his mind. He would have passed out soon regardless. I told you that he would be overwhelmed when he woke up.”

 

“Why does he think we aren’t real?” Pidge asked, but her eyes remained fixed to Lance’s unconscious form. 

 

“With sensory deprivation on it’s own, even without the strict bonds, hallucinations can start within just fifteen dobosh. They can get progressively more severe depending on how long it lasts and how strained the mind becomes -- considering his bonds, the stress placed on him would have been extreme. Considering how afraid he is, I imagine his hallucinations were severe and not pleasant.”

 

“I hope that Raxu ass hole died when his ship did,” Pidge spat. 

 

“This will not offer much comfort, but Raxu would never have left him for that long if the accident had not happened. Forty-eight vargas is the longest he’s ever subjected a prisoner to such conditions – longer than that can trigger a total mental break. Had Lance not become compliant after that time he would have switched to other methods. Your red paladin is impressively resilient – it may not seem like it now, but he is already far more stable than others I’ve seen endure similar conditions.”

 

“I still hope he died,” Pidge grumbled. 

 

“What can we do?” Keith asked. He didn’t care about Raxu or revenge. He only cared about what could be done to help his… whatever Lance was to him that he still couldn’t define. 

 

“I would recommend taking him to a small, dim room. Do not make it completely dark, but there should be only enough light to make out vague details. It would be best if he not be in complete darkness for some time. Once his vision adjusts to the dim lighting you can gradually start increasing it. Use the same tactic with sound.  And don’t leave him alone – he will need to be grounded in reality constantly and he’ll struggle to do that by himself. If he’s alone it’s possible he will hallucinate again, even if it’s not dark.”

 

“Thank you, Lotor. Paladins I suggest we set up a schedule – one of us can sleep in his room with him each night, and stay with him during the day. This will be stressful for us all, but we must do everything possible to help Lance recover,” Allura said. What she didn’t say is that they were willing to do everything possible because it was their fault he’d been left behind. No one could get that out of their minds. 

 

“Of course we will,” Hunk said, his voice choked with emotion. “I’ll stay with every night if no one else wants to. I don’t want to ever let him out of my sight again.”

 

“No way, you don’t get to hog him!” Pidge said. Shiro chuckled and shifted Lance in his arms. 

 

“I’ll take first watch. You guys should get some rest. No one’s gotten much sleep in the past week.”

 

“You’ve gotten the least sleep out of all of us,” Hunk commented. 

 

“I’ll sleep soon, promise.”

 

“Alright, then it would be best for us all to retire.” At Allura’s words, everyone began filing out of the room. Shiro took Lance straight to his room — he was tempted at first to take Lance to his own room, but decided against it. Hopefully it would help the red paladin to relax if he was in a familiar environment surrounded by his own things and his own familiar smells. 

 

Once inside Lance’s room, he set the younger boy on the bed and then sighed. He was still wearing the white jumpsuit from the healing pod, but Shiro wasn’t sure if it would be overstepping to change Lance into something more comfortable. 

 

A soft knock at the door broke him out of his indecisive pondering. 

 

“Come in,” he said softly. The door whooshed open to reveal Keith — the former paladin was dressed comfortably in loose black workout pants and a black T-shirt. 

 

“Hey,” he said quietly as the door closed behind him. He stepped up next to Shiro and for a moment they just looked down at Lance, grateful at least that whatever Lotor had done seemed to have put the boy into a relaxed sleep. It had been difficult for all of them to see Lance so terrified, so convinced that nothing around him was real. 

 

“We should change him. You know how he hates sleeping in restrictive clothes,” Keith said. 

 

“Yeah. Wanna go find his pajamas while I get the suit off him?” Shiro said. Keith nodded and went searching through the room, momentarily amused at Lance’s haphazard sorting. 

 

When he returned with the loose blue pants and the blue robe Lance was so fond of, Shiro had the white suit pulled down to Lance’s waist. 

 

“How did he lose so much weight in four days?” Keith asked, shocked at how abnormally thin Lance looked right then.

 

Shiro reached out and took the blue robe from Keith. He gently manipulated Lance’s body into it, and secured the tie around his waist before pulling down the rest of the suit. Lance was wearing briefs, but he still wanted to preserve as much of the boy’s modesty as possible. 

 

Only when the pants were on and he’d gotten Lance situated comfortably under the covers did he address Keith’s question. 

 

“The first thing to go when you are starved is water weight and muscle. Considering he was also severely dehydrated, and subjected to extreme cold that forced him to shiver, he would have dropped weight fast.” Shiro brushed some of Lance’s hair out of his face before turning and looking at Keith. 

 

“You and I need to talk,” he said. Keith sighed and nodded. He sat on the edge of the bed and a moment later Shiro followed suit. 

 

“We both like Lance,” Keith said — the words felt strange coming from his mouth, but they rang true.

 

“Yeah, but that’s not something I can pursue,” Shiro replied. Keith jerked his head to look at the older man in surprise.

 

“Why?”

 

“Lance is seventeen. I’m twenty-five.”

 

“So? Your parents have a ten year age difference between them!”

 

“Yes but my dad was twenty and my mom was thirty when they met. They were both adults.”

 

“Jesus Shiro, Lance is eighteen in two months.”

 

“That’s not the point.”

 

“Then what is the point?”

 

“I’m not a pedophile Keith, I’m not going to pursue something with a minor no matter how close his eighteenth birthday is.”

 

“You are too damn noble sometimes. Answer me this Shiro, do you like Lance because he’s younger than you?”

 

“What? No of course not.”

 

“Do you like him because he looks young?”

 

“Of course not, why are you asking me this?”

 

“Does it turn you on that he’s younger and smaller than you? Does it turn you on to think about the fact that he’s a kid?” Keith asked. 

 

“Jesus Keith, no.”

 

“Then you aren’t a pedophile Shiro. You aren’t attracted to him _because_ he’s a minor, you’re attracted to him because he’s Lance. I’m already eighteen, do you think it’s wrong for me to pursue a relationship with him?”

 

“No but that’s different.”

 

“It’s not different. We’re both adults, Lance is a minor. But none of that matters because we are all soldiers. We are all fighting this stupid war together on equal footing. We all stopped being kids the second we accepted being paladins of Voltron. You’re not wrong or vagrant for liking Lance, but you are an idiot for trying to deny yourself happiness just cause his birthday is still a couple months out.”

 

Shiro huffed a laugh. “Aren’t we technically rivals here? Shouldn’t you be trying to talk me out of pursuing Lance?”

 

“No, that would be stupid. We don’t even know how Lance himself feels, and maybe… maybe there’s a possibility that neither of us have to give him up.”

 

“What do you mean? Like all of us be in a relationship together?”

 

“I don’t know…” Keith trailed off. “I don’t… I don’t know if I can see you as anything except my brother. Hell you practically raised me after my dad died.”

 

“I know,” Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. “You and I are family. So we’ll have to decide — if Lance wanted it of course — whether or not we could both be in a relationship with him without being in a relationship with each other.”

 

“I don’t want to give him up — I finally accept how I feel about him and I’m not letting go of that now. But a weird part of me doesn’t want you to give him up either, but that would be really fucking complicated if we both dated him.”

 

“Language,” Shiro admonished with no real heat behind it. Keith chuckled. “But regardless, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. We have no idea what Lance wants, or if he has any feelings for either of us, and he’s going to be too vulnerable when he wakes up to deal with something like this,” Shiro said.

 

Keith slumped over and put his head in his hands. 

 

“I’m trying to keep it in, but all I want to do is go kill everyone responsible for what happened to him. At first I didn't care about revenge, I just wanted him to be okay. But the more I think about it the angrier I get. I keep seeing him. Every time I close my eyes I see him hanging from those chains looking dead. I want them all to suffer just like he did. I’ve never seen him as scared as he was today Shiro, ever. Even after he got blown up he was the same cocky little shit he always is. We’ve been in countless battles together and he was _never_ that scared.”

 

“Neither of us understand what he went through in that room. There’s a reason extreme sensory deprivation is banned under the Geneva Conventions back home. Even some of the worst countries or terrorist groups on Earth rank isolation torture as worse than conventional torture or even sexual assault because of how negatively it impacts the mind. The visual and auditory hallucinations can be vivid and severe. It can trigger mental breakdowns similar to psychosis. Victims can lose all touch with reality.

 

“You aren’t making me feel better, Shiro,” Keith’s voice was choked with his repressed tears. 

 

“Sorry I just…”

 

“You tend to revert to stating facts when you’re stressed or overwhelmed. I know, it’s just hard to hear that Lance endured something that even terrorists think is awful. How do you know so much about it?”

 

“Officers at the Garrison have to go through pretty strict training on how to treat prisoners of war. Even though we were in a time of peace back home, things can change and we had to learn what is and is not allowed. Extreme sensory deprivation is strictly banned.”

 

“How can we help him then Shiro? How can any of us move on?”

 

“We can move on… I did,” Shiro said quietly. Keith sat up and looked at him. 

 

“Sorry, I know you went through awful things to, I’m not trying to say…”

 

“I know,” Shiro interrupted him. “I was tortured, but not like this. They forced me to forget a lot of what happened to me, and even after I began remembering it… it was a lot to take in, but in a way, it almost felt like watching a movie of it happening to someone else. It's harder at night, when I'm alone with my own thoughts, but this team helps and we can help Lance.”

 

“God this war is so messed up,” Keith said, furiously swiping at his eyes to prevent tears from falling. 

 

“It really is. I didn’t want to leave him behind, and every time I try to sleep I remember that I was the one to make the call.” Shiro’s voice was wet, and both men tried hard to keep the tears at bay. 

 

“You did what you had to, and now we’ll just have to try really hard to put him back together.”

 

“But it’s not just his age, Keith. How can I have feelings for him when I’m the reason this happened?”

 

“You are _not_ the reason this happened! Blame the Galra, blame that general, blame who deserves the blame because it’s not you. I heard the whole story, there was no way you could have gotten to Lance in time.”

 

“I want this war to be over,” Shiro whispered. 

 

“So do I.”

Lance wasn’t sure if it was whatever Lotor had done to him, or just his own exhaustion, that kept him limp while Shiro and Keith spoke. When he’d first woken up he couldn’t move his body, and a part of him felt like that should have scared him, but he was warm and fuzzy to the point that he was having trouble clinging on to any thoughts at all. So he had just lay there quietly listening to the two men talk. Their words registered but he couldn’t muster up a reaction to anything they said right then. He just filed them away for later, and when the voices finally stopped, he drifted back into a blissful sleep. 

 

When he woke up the next time the warm fuzziness was gone. His thoughts weren’t as slippery, but he was instantly filled with fear and ice-cold dread. He distantly felt the bed beneath him, the silky blue robe around him, the heavy covers above him, and the two warm bodies on either side of him, but the world behind his eyelids was black as pitch and he couldn’t stop the irrational thoughts that bombed through his mind. The thoughts that said the room would be a black abyss when he opened his eyes, that this all was another hallucination, that he was still slowly dying of dehydration and exposure back in that cell.

 

He let out a small sound, nothing more than a faint whimper, but it was enough for the bodies beside him to tense and shift. 

 

“Lance,” someone said. It was Keith’s voice. Lance rolled over and curled into himself, pressing his hands to his eyes. Callused, warm hands wrapped around his forearms with barely enough pressure to even be felt. 

 

“Lance it’s okay, you can open your eyes. It won’t hurt, promise,” Shiro said. 

 

“You’re in your room, on the ship. We have the lights turned down for you.” 

 

“Is…” Lance started, but then he coughed. 

 

“Keith can you…” Shiro started. 

 

“On it,” Keith replied before the sentence could finish. The bed shifted as someone got up. 

 

“Keith’s getting you some water, can you open your eyes for us?” Shiro asked. Lance shook his head. 

 

“Okay, then at least sit up so you can drink some water okay?” Shiro said. After a long moment of silence, Lance finally nodded. The warm hands left his arms for his back and helped him sit up. 

 

“You don’t have to open your eyes, but can you bring your hands down?” Keith asked. 

 

Lance’s hands were shaking when he finally managed to bring them down. Keith caught one of them and put a water pouch into it, then slowly helped him bring it up. He felt the straw at his lips and hesitantly took a sip. The moment the cool liquid hit his tongue and throat he sighed and started to suck harder, wanting to never stop drinking so that the soreness of his throat was relieved. He made a vague noise of protest when the pouch was taken away. 

 

“You need to take it slow or you’re going to make yourself sick. Let’s wait a couple minutes, then you can have more,” Shiro said. 

 

“Is this real?” Lance finally managed to ask. There was silence, then he heard a quiet sniffle. 

 

“Yeah,” Keith’s voice sounded husky. “This is real, I promise.”

 

“Do you guys really like me? Was that real too?” he asked. Someone sounded like they were choking. 

 

“How do you know that?” Shiro asked. 

 

“I heard you talking but I don’t know if it was real.”

 

“It was real,” Keith said after another long moment of silence. Lance took a deep breath and finally peeled his eyes open. The room was dim with only a faint light from under the closed bathroom door offering any illumination.  

 

Keith and Shiro came into bleary focused, and the first thing Lance noticed was how wrecked they both looked. They were rumpled and tired, their faces were drawn down in concern and their skin paler than it usually was. Both their eyes were red rimmed. 

 

"Do I look as bad as you guys right now?" Lance asked. Keith laughed wetly and Shiro smiled. 

 

"You look great," Keith said after rubbing his eyes. Lance attempted a smiled, but it wobbled almost instantly until he was struggling to keep his face from crumpling and tears from falling. 

 

"Oh Lance," Shiro said. He immediately leaned over and wrapped his arms around the thinner boy. Lance clung to him again, and his attempts to keep from crying were in vain. It wasn't long until his tears were soaking Shiro's shirt. 

 

"I thought I was going to die there alone," he said through sobs. 

 

"I'm sorry it took us so long to find you."

 

Lance shook his head. "It's not your fault."

 

"I never should have left you,” Shiro said. 

 

“Don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself, please.” Lance sounded desperate enough to make the two other men’s hearts break. 

 

“Sorry, I won’t do that.”

 

“Yes you will, you just won’t do it out loud anymore.”

 

Keith snorted. “He knows you pretty well Shiro.”

 

The banter helped Lance rebalance a little, but everything still felt a little too heavy. There was still that little animal hind brain of his telling him that this was all just another hallucination. He just didn’t know how to make sure this was happening — already the conversation he’d overheard between Keith and Shiro was so strange, and so unbelievable, that it was further increasing his doubt. 

 

“Lance,” Keith said softly. Lance jerked, coming back to himself. He pulled back from Shiro and looked around. Did he just loses time?

 

“I…”

 

“You suddenly went tense and stopped responding,” Keith filled in for him.

 

“For how long?”

 

“Just a few seconds it’s okay. Talk to us, tell us what’s going on.”

 

“I saw so many things in the dark. It felt so real, I could feel it touching me sometimes, sometimes it was like I could even smell its breath…” Lance’s voice was getting breathy as his inhales and exhales became quicker. 

 

“What was it?”

 

“A grinning monster.” Lance’s eyes were blown wide as he looked between Shiro and Keith. They both wore carefully neutral expressions, but couldn’t quite keep the concern away.

“It tormented me. It whispered to me all the time and it never left me alone. It would touch me everywhere and I swear I could feel it’s claws. And there were bugs crawling all over me and I couldn’t move or get away from it.” Lance’s voice was climbing higher and higher in his panic. Keith reached out and cupped his face, looking directly into his eyes and not letting Lance look away. 

 

“Breath with me okay? In.” Keith took a deep breath and Lance struggled to match it. “Good. Out now.” Keith exhaled and Lance followed again. They did this for over a minute until the panic began to recede. 

 

“Sorry, I’m so sorry I just can’t… I don’t know how to trust anything.”

 

“You never, ever have to apologize to us,” Keith said. 

 

“Keith’s right. You have nothing to be sorry for." Shiro took his hand. "Look, feel our hands. Feel how warm we are. We're here with you."

 

"Tía felt real too. I was cold but she was so warm."

 

"Who?"

 

"My aunt Marisol."

 

"You saw her too?" Keith asked slowly. Lance brought a hand up to press against Keith's where it still rested against his cheek and closed his eyes. He squeezed Shiro's hand tighter, before nodding finally. 

 

"When I was about to die," he said, so quietly that it was almost indiscernible. "We were on Veradaro Beach. She came to me and told me not to be scared. She said she was proud of me, and that she would be there with me until the end. She told me it was okay to let go, and we'd wait together for the rest of our family to show up."

 

"Is your aunt..." Shiro trailed off, not sure how to delicately ask the question. 

 

"Dead? Yeah. She was in a car accident when I was fourteen. But when I saw her, she wanted me to come with her at first but then I heard you guys calling my name, and she told me to open my eyes. I think -- I don't know but I think I was starting to slip away, cause even though you guys were calling me I didn't understand what it was. I didn't even realize I was hallucinating, but she told me to open my eyes."

 

Lance was crying again and he hated himself for it. Hated feeling weak, hated being as scared as he still was, hated how he couldn't shake the doubt that this all was happening. 

 

Keith used his thumbs to wipe away the tear drops, while Shiro's thumb rubbed back and forth across the back of his hand. 

 

"Then I guess we need to thank her for bringing you back to us," Keith said. Lance's eyes opened in surprise. 

 

"What?"

 

"Your aunt, regardless if she was a hallucination or..." Keith trailed off and didn't finish that thought. "Whatever it was, she helped you open your eyes."

 

"I agree. Lance, I don't want to scare you, but if you hadn't of woken up when you did you might not have survived the trip back to the castle. That hallucination, even if it's something your mind made up, may have saved your life. So I definitely think she deserves our thanks, wherever she is."

 

Lance made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob, but he was smiling. It was shaky, but it was a smile. "She always was my protector, and she loved to meddle. I guess she couldn't shake the habit even from beyond the grave."

 

Keith laughed, and with no warning he lurched forward and wrapped his arms around Lance, probably a little too tightly considering how he knew Lance would still be sore, but the other boy didn't complain. 

 

"God I'm so happy you’re here right now. I've never been as scared as I was when I saw you in that room, and I've never been as happy as I am right now," Keith said. He was crying and a part of Lance was tempted to tease, but he couldn't bring that part to the surface right then. It was still buried under the trauma, so instead he just clung to Keith right back. 

 

"I'll be okay," Lance murmured. Shiro touched his back gently to get his attention, and when Lance pulled away from his embrace with Keith, Shiro gave him an equally gentle smile. 

 

"We know you will be, just remember that it's okay to not be okay. We'll be here for you no matter what. And not just Keith and I. The whole team. So you don't have to try and pretend or put on a brave face if you don’t feel like it."

 

“Okay,” Lance’s voice broke. “Okay,” he said again. “For now I think I just need to go to the bathroom.”

 

“That’s fine,” Shiro said, but neither he or Keith let Lance go. The red paladin laughed. 

 

“Guys, you need to let me go.”

 

“Oh,” they both jerked away sheepishly, but neither could help themselves when Lance struggled to his feet. They both surged up to steady him, causing another laugh to bubble up. 

 

“We’re going to have to talk about this…” Lance looked to where Shiro and Keith were still holding on to him, and a painful little thump when through his chest. “And what you both talked about while I was asleep, but I’m not going to let you guys follow me into the bathroom.”

 

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

 

“To go to the bathroom?”

 

“To be alone,” Shiro clarified. 

 

“Oh. I’m still not letting you guys go to the bathroom with me.” Lance pried himself away from the other two men as gently as he could. They let go, albeit reluctantly, and had their arms outstretched slightly as if they wanted to pull the Cuban close to them again. 

 

“I’ll at least turn the lights in there down,” Shiro said. He swept past Lance to the control pad, and the light underneath the door grew dimmer, making the bedroom even darker. Lance’s breath hitched, something that didn’t go unnoticed.

 

“We’ll be right here,” Keith said. 

 

Lance stepped into the dim bathroom, stiff and unsteady, but at least he was up and he counted that as a win. 

 

Every motion seemed to take more effort than it should have, and his arms especially didn’t want to work like they were supposed to. Everything just hurt.

 

After he flushed the toilette, Lance paused before the door, and finally turned to look in the mirror. It took a moment for him to recognize the person in the mirror. His face looked too thin, his normally rich, milk chocolate skin was sallow, and his eyes were sunken. 

 

Lance’s eyelids snapped closed, he didn’t want to see himself like this. 

_La_ _aaaaance_ _._

His eyes popped open and yelped, whirling around wildly, eyes frantically searching the empty room. 

 

“Lance!” Keith said, knocking on the bathroom door. 

 

He didn’t answer, he just kept looking around and around, searching for the that grinning face. 

 

Nothing appeared, and there were no other sounds except for his own harsh breathing, and, after more knocking he didn’t even notice, the sound of the door whooshing open. 

 

“Lance,” Shiro stepped in front of him and cupped his face to stop his frantic looking back and forth. When they locked eyes, Lance’s were wide and panicked.

 

“It’s still in here. Shiro it’s in here!”

 

“Shh, nothing’s in here okay? It’s just you, Keith, and I. It’s just us and you’re safe.”

 

“But I _heard_ it. It said my name… oh god I’m hallucinating. This is all another hallucination. Dios mío.” After that Lance devolved into panicked Spanish and Shiro and Keith could only watch as the cognizance left him. He no longer responded to their words and began to hyperventilate and cry. 

 

“Keith go get Coran… or Lotor, or someone,” Shiro said. Keith nodded and ran out while Shiro began talking to Lance, soothing him, but the boy just kept getting more and more hysterical, jerking away from Shiro’s touch and collapsing into a crouch on the floor, knees pulled tightly to his chest. 

 

“Go away!” he yelled just as Coran came jogging into the room, closely followed by Lotor.

 

“What happened?” Coran asked. 

 

“He was in the bathroom when we heard him yell, and when we got in here he was panicking. He says he heard something, then he thought he was back in that room again I think. Was he hallucinating?” Shiro said. Lotor nodded and knelt in front of the crying boy. 

 

“It’s likely.” He put a hand to Lance’s head and took a deep breath. On the exhale Lance’s sobs grew quieter. “But I would guess this was a minor hallucination that triggered a flashback, which is why he suddenly lost his touch with reality.”

 

Lance went limp and slumped sideways into Lotor’s arms. The prince picked him up and readily passed him over to Shiro when the other man stepped forward. 

 

The group moved back into the bedroom, and once Lance was tucked back into the bed, Coran motioned them all out. Keith and Shiro hesitated before reluctantly stepping into the hallway with them. 

 

“Before this,” Lotor asked, “was he coherent?” 

 

“He was scared, and kept telling us that he couldn’t trust that anything was real, but he was talking to us. He told us about… what he saw while imprisoned…”

 

“But he was laughing a bit, and responding to us fine,” Keith added. 

 

“So he didn’t have any true issues in your presence?”

 

“No, but he wanted to use the bathroom by himself.”

 

“Well that certainly couldn’t be helped,” Coran piped in. “Regardless of what happened he still needs to be allowed certain privacies. It’s just unfortunate something triggered his breakdown.” When he saw the anxious looks on Shiro and Keith's faces, he smiled softly and put a hand on each of their shoulders. 

 

"You boys did absolutely nothing wrong. Lance wanted to use the restroom in privacy and you respected that. Lotor did say it's best for him to not be alone, but that doesn't mean we can start forcing him to stay in our presence – he would most certainly begin resenting us if we tried. So don't feel guilty about this – it was bound to happen, and will likely happen again."

 

"Coran's right. Unfortunately, there's no real way for us to prevent him from getting flashbacks. We just need to do our best to help him through it. We should meet with the team later and come up with things that may help ground him when he feels like reality is slipping away from him. Otherwise, rest and care are what's best right now."

 

"What you did, putting him to sleep..." Keith said, leaving the question half finished. 

 

"I haven't put him to sleep," Lotor said. "I've put him into an almost trance like state. It's less severe than knocking him unconscious. He will be somewhat aware, but won't feel negative emotions. I would prefer not to do it often lest he become dependent on it – it's merely a crutch but won't actually aid him in the long run."

 

"Oh. So he can hear us when he's like that?"

 

"Indeed, that's why I wanted us to speak in the hallway. Although he won't feel much in the way of emotions, it still seems rather gauche to discuss Lance right in front of him when he can hear us."

 

Shiro and Keith exchange an uncomfortable look, which the sharp-eyed prince caught immediately. He brushed some hair behind his ear and looked rather sheepish. 

 

"In hindsight, I should have mentioned this to you when I did it the first time."

 

"Well I'll be, did you two say something you wished could have been said at a different time? Maybe beneath a sunset, or at a nice meal? Maybe on the observation deck under a sea of stars?" Coran accompanied his statement with an obvious wink and smirk. He looked a little too knowing. 

 

"Well, we, no it's not like..." Keith stumbled. 

 

"We may have discussed things that should have been said to him directly, and not overheard by accident."

 

Lotor sent a questioning glance to Coran. 

 

"Oh don't worry Prince Lotor. I will fill you in on everything I know later," Coran said. Shiro and Keith's faces went red. It seemed they hadn't been as subtle as they'd hoped about their feelings for the former blue paladin. 

The coming weeks were difficult for the entire Voltron team. A week after his return, when they received a distress beacon, Lance was still in no shape to pilot a lion. While Red readily accepted Keith back as his paladin with Lance unavailable, as soon as he was in the cockpit, Blue’s particle barrier went up in her hangar and she wouldn’t allow Allura in. They all guessed it was her way of saying that if Lance wasn’t with them she wouldn’t leave — she wouldn’t let him be replaced.

 

Allura and Shiro tried to reason with the semi-sentient robot, but nothing worked. Even when a shaky, nervous Lance went in to talk to her, she still refused to leave unless he was piloting her or Red. Unfortunately, the mere suggestion of going out to fight had Lance panicking. 

 

So they’d been forced to go out with only four lions. Luckily it was a simple fight and they were back before long, but guilt had gotten to the Cuban while they were gone and he’d tearfully broken down and apologized to the whole team for being useless. They'd done everything they could to convince him no one was upset or angry, but it hadn't been enough to stop the breakdown.

 

Along with that, Lance’s flashbacks happened regularly. Sometimes they’d be that simple, flashbacks they could talk him through. The recurring auditory hallucinations were completely different. If things got too quiet he would swear someone was saying his name. Sometimes they’d trigger a flashback or a full breakdown. Sometimes it was just mild panic attacks. He always talked about the ‘grinning monster’ and how it kept haunting him. 

 

Lotor assured the team that all these things were normal and that they may get worse before they got better, but everyone struggled, not because it was too difficult to take care of the red paladin, but because they desperately wanted to see the boy he used to be. They wanted to hear him laugh, flirt, banter with Keith or Pidge – anything to show them he would come back to them fully one day. 

 

Shiro, Keith, and Lance never talked about what he’d overheard from them either. They’d all come to a silent agreement that it needed to wait until Lance had the emotional stability to deal with it. 

 

So two months passed, and suddenly it was the night before Lance’s eighteenth birthday. He’d gotten to the point where he could be alone without breaking down, but not for very long. The longer he was alone, the heavier the silence became and the harder it got to breathe. He’d always liked being around people before, but it was different now. Now, he sought company almost desperately, but even so he made an effort to be by himself sometimes, pushing himself to stay alone for longer and longer. He likened it to when he started surfing back in Cuba — in order to be safe he had trained himself to hold his breath for over three minutes, but at the start he could only do about thirty seconds. 

 

When he’d first started his alone time it had been the same. He couldn’t bear it for more than a few minutes. Now he was standing on the observation deck going on thirty minutes of being by himself. He could feel it though, he could feel the shadows start to get closer, and his breaths were getting a little bit harder to take in. Every creak, hum, or groan of the castle made him flinch, dreading the moment when his name would be whispered. 

 

“Lance.” This voice didn’t make him flinch. He turned his head and offered Lotor and tight smile. 

 

“Prince Lotor,” he said. Lotor huffed a laugh.

 

“You really do not need to keep adding the ‘Prince’ to my name. We’ve had enough conversations that I hardly think it’s necessary.” 

 

“Eh, it kinda suits you,” teased Lance. The observation deck was Lance’s go-to spot for his alone time, and more than once Lotor had showed up just as the silence was getting too much to handle. He hadn’t questioned it before, too grateful for someone to show up before he had to go desperately seeking company. 

 

“Have you heard it today?” Lotor asked. 

 

“Not today, no.”

 

“But?” 

 

“I don’t know if it’s more of me just being crazy, but sometimes it’s almost like I can feel it coming.”

 

“You aren’t crazy, and that’s not all that surprising. It may even be a sign that you are getting better. Your mind is starting to recognize what’s happening and warn you, even just subconsciously.”

 

“It would be nice if that was the case. I’m really tired of being like this.”

 

Lotor put a hand on his shoulder. “I know.”

 

Lance offered him a small smile, but it dropped quickly and his eyebrows ticked down a little. Lotor cocked his head to the side. 

 

“What is it?” He asked. 

 

“This… Man don’t tell anyone I asked you this, but how hard do you think it would be to infiltrate Zarkon’s cruiser and get people out?” 

 

“The cruiser itself would be easy. Zarkon and the witch are too arrogant to believe anyone could, or would even bother to try infiltrating their cruiser. The reason for their arrogance is because of the massive fleet of dreadnaught cruisers surrounding it.” 

 

“So it’s possible?”

 

“Do you know what a dreadnaught cruiser is? They are designed to destroy planets. Their ion canons can cut to a planet’s core in a second and cause it to implode. Why are you even thinking of such things?”

 

“If General Raxu’s family was saved from that ship, would he join us?”

 

Understanding lit onto Lotor’s face.

 

“You want to save his family?”

 

“Yeah kinda.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I… it’s stupid but like, there’s this part of me that thinks it would help me to help him?”

 

“Raxu tortured you, Lance.”

 

“But you said it yourself, he didn’t _want_ to torture me. He even said he didn’t want to torture me, but he had to make the decision between me and his family.”

 

“Raxu told you that?” Lotor asked. Lance stiffened — for some reason he hadn’t told anyone about his conversation with Raxu. 

 

“Uhm, yeah, we talked a little.”

 

“What did he say to you?”

 

“He said that if I told him what he wanted to know, he’d guarantee no one would ever hurt me. He even said he hoped my team found me. I mean he could have been lying but I really think he was telling the truth.”

 

“But Raxu couldn’t have guaranteed your safety unless…” Lotor trailed off before sucking in a breath. “Unless he never told my father that he had you.”

 

“Why wouldn’t he tell Zarkon?”

 

“This makes sense of so many things. When we heard that Raxu was alive and was even given command of a new ship, I didn’t understand. If another general had lost a paladin of Voltron that they’d had captive, Zarkon would have likely killed them for their failure. Raxu is an outstanding general, but that wouldn’t have mattered.”

 

“Unless Zarkon didn’t know I was there,” Lance finished for him. Lotor nodded. 

 

“Damn. So, what was his end game?"

 

"If I had to guess, he wanted to give Zarkon information that would help in the fight against Voltron and therefore prove his loyalty. I would assume he's searching for a way to get his family off of the emperor's ship, but by keeping you safe he wouldn't actually be sabotaging your team even if he did extract pertinent information."

 

"Keeping me safe?" Lance deadpanned. Lotor grimaced. 

 

"It was a poor choice of words, but essentially, yes. He had no intention of killing you, or causing permanent damage."

 

"Lance sighed and looked back out the window. They were cruising through an uninhabited star system and thanks to the tinted glass of the castle he could stare directly into the distant sun's light. It was quite far away still, but kept the room from being over dark. 

 

As the silence stretched, the castle began to slowly pass one of the big gas giants that orbited the sun. With each passing moment the light became dimmer and dimmer, and Lance's breath began getting faster and faster. 

 

"I want to save Raxu's family," Lance said, turning to Lotor as the last of the light faded and the room was plunged into darkness. 

 

"Your team will not approve."

 

"I know." The hitch, and slightly warbling note in Lance's voice wasn't overlooked by the prince standing with him. 

 

"Alright, then let's go somewhere else and work out a plan to approach them with. I think you've had enough alone time for today."

 

Lance nodded and allowed Lotor to quickly sweep him from the room, leaving behind the whispers that were starting to gather in the dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to write a chapter where Lance and team saves Raxu's family. I haven't decided if I will yet though. Let me know your thoughts! I also want to add more of the rest of the team, I.E. Allura, Pidge, Hunk, interacting with Lance. This chapter just got so long that I had to break it off. And I want there to be a little bit more feelings/relationship discussion. 
> 
> So what do you all think, part 3, yes or no?

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to chat with me outside the comments section of this website, feel free to hit me up on Tumblr: https://sabby-me.tumblr.com
> 
> I adore comments and respond to almost every single one I get so keep them coming! You all are amazing and beautiful people.


End file.
